The video above is an edited version of the original which aired on CBS' daytime talk show "The Talk," where Eden Wood, an up-and-coming pageant star, performs an original song. What was supposed to be cute and adorable backfired hilariously into a pompous, fructose-marinated mess of unintelligible slurring. Somebody took it upon themselves to slow the video down in order to salvage whatever words were actually spoken, but instead what resulted was a frightening Barbie doll version of Twin Peaks' evil dwarf. Amidst a sea of petulant stares and uncomfortable glances (among both the show's hosts and audience), Eden's mother (in the middle) remains the solitary island of amusement. Why is there still a market for this kind of stuff?
It's no secret that beauty pageants as a whole are incredibly superficial and secludedly idealistic affairs. To me they seem like nothing more than song and dance routines for the genetic lottery winners of our world to demonstrate how well they can play into an archetype of perfection. Then we have the children's beauty pageants, which garner unanimously uncomfortable reactions.
These teenybopper pageants have been well documented in shows such as Little Miss Perfect and Toddlers to Tiaras (see also: Little Miss Sunshine). The common thread that seems the most troubling are the parents (generally the mothers) who condition their kids into the pageant lifestyle. If not former failed beauty queens themselves, the demanding mothers tend to be cartoonishly over-the-top soccer moms who live vicariously through the successes and failures of their offspring.
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