Aliens : Colonial Marines Gets A New Kickass Trailer (Aka How Marketing Can Work Against You)

Gearbox has been at it for a few years with Aliens: Colonial Marines, and I'd go as far as say that this game's been stuck in development hell, with it's development cycle starting around 2006. The concept for the game is solid, with a plotline spanning between the events of Aliens and Alien 3 regarding a search team with orders to investigate the U.S.S. Sulaco and figure out what happened to Ripley, Colonel Hicks and the rest of the team dispatched to LV-246. From a story sense, the game is so canon that the title is officially a part of the Aliens franchise.

But then came this 'Kickass trailer,' which has raised quite a few eyebrows among fans and even Gearbox employees alike. The trailer brings us dubstep, awful voice overs contradicting earlier trailers with a macho marine spouting out the types of phrases you'd expect from the latest Call Of Duty trailer. Over the years I've come to understand that game developers and marketing teams don't exactly work hand in hand, and this is a textbook example. This new trailer was so forced that the creative director at Gearbox took up to Twitter to reassure concerned fans that he had nothing to do with the dialogue for the trailer.

From a marketers perspective, their job is to appeal to as many people as possible in order to sell as many copies as possible, yet this borders into gray area when the title gets marketed as something it is not. This awful practice has been on the rise lately in the entertainment industry, with movie trailers especially deceptively edited to appear something they're not to lull people into buying tickets (Too many times to count in the last few years). To be honest, there's nothing that pisses me off more than being mislead by warped marketing, and I wish people creating these trailers would understand that it works against them.



Compare the above trailer to the actual story trailer released a few weeks earlier, above. Notice a 100% difference in tone, subtlety and attention to story? Notice how the protagonists act like real people, with a concern for their own safety  This is the type of trailer that gets me excited for an Aliens game, an honest trailer representative of the narrative driven experience you're going to get. So please, let's nip the dubstep treatment at the bud and not let this trend spread to gaming as well. Aliens: Colonial Marines is coming out on February 12th.

Swedish House Mafia : Absolut Sellout

There's been an increasing amount of product placement in music videos recently, ranging from subtle to obnoxious and in your face. Swedish House Mafia, the Stockholm based DJ collective just decided to walk a fine line with this interesting music video. Lets just say that the concept of the music video was really well executed, featuring a futuristic greyhound race taking place in a desert.

The music is typical club fare, but the fact that the music video is littered with shots of Absolut Vodka bottles just felt a little forced and heavy handed. I know its a collab between the two, but where's the subtlety here? From the statements released those affiliated with this project, it looks like they couldn't be more excited about this genius, revolutionary piece of in your face product placement. Brace yourself for what the creative directors of this music video had to say about this piece of 'high art':

Arrietty And The Lorax: PROPAGANDA?

I was unfortunate engough to stumble onto this quality clip of yellow journalism, featuring Lou Dobbs and a bunch of incompetent idiots making the case on how these 'liberal' movies are indoctrinating children into hating capitalism. Now here's what f***ing pisses me off the most : First of all, odds are they never bothered to watch the movies, yet alone research the fact that these movies are based off of books from decades ago (Lorax in 1971, Arrietty is based off the Borrowers from 1952) that were widely accepted as 'moral books.' This entire conversation between Dobbs and his cronies is a barrage of verbal diarrhea that is nothing short of infuriating, especially considering that some parents might actually take heed to this nonsense.

I'd easily say that Fox are the guys with the agenda here, taking a stab at the Lorax due to the fact that Chris Meledandri defected from 20th Century Fox Animation to create his own studio after Horton Hears A Who! And guess what Chris' new studio, Illumination Entertainment is working on? You guessed it, The Lorax. The fact that this idiot would attempt to damage a movie which took countless thousands of hours of work prior to its release with baseless accusations is what bugs me the most.

The New Rebecca Black? (NSFW Lyrics)

Um, yeah, so there's this.  Looks like there's a new kid on the block, and her name is Shira.  A rather rough-faced looking broad whose debut single makes outrageous claims of being desired by men.  "Pound On My Muffin" should clearly be the anthem of this New Year's Eve. Hell, maybe even 2012.  The end of the world doesn't sound so bad now (if you believe in that mumbo jumbo, of course).

Best Fails Of 2011

TwistedNederland returns with his compilation of the best failures in humanity this year in a 12 minute format. Sit back and celebrate the fact that you didn't find yourself in these situations with a fine glass of brandy in hand.

Blizzcon Minecraft Cos-Misplay

A cosplayer at this years Blizzcon who decided to give his outfit a Minecraft flavored twist. Despite it looking really cool, there's one essential aspect this guy decided to sacrifice for his outfit: Visibility. Disaster inevitably struck, and witnesses reported that no Creepers were involved in this incident.



Still, nothing can beat this....awkwardly awkward moment from last years Blizzcon. Those WoW players sure do bring disaster to fun contests!

Real Steel: The Classic Bait And Switch

RoboBrain: So thats a pretty cool trailer, huh? Might be a little light on the story aspect, but it sure looks like it would deliver some fun Rock Em' Sock Em' robots type action.. There is a time and place for movies like these, when you're not in the mood for something incredibly engaging...Cinematic fluff.

The problem with this trailer is that its a complete f**king lie, and not indicative of the actual experience you're going to have. Instead, its a buddy movie about dad (Hugh Jackman) trying to get in touch with his estranged son via Robots, and so much shameless product placement that its kind of disgusting. The movie gave me some very painful Star Wars: Episode 1 flashbacks with the modern equivalent of Jake Lloyd, another child who is portrayed as a grating, obnoxious smartass...Dakota Goyo.

Where in the trailer is it indicated that 80% of the movie would revolve around this kid and his whining? My only advice- No, make that a plea, is: Don't be fooled into watching this movie. I didn't shell out $10 for a one and a half hour, G rated family drama with a mild sprinkling of robot fighting and 1 dimensional characters..as well as some of the corniest, terrible dialogue I've been subjected to in years.

And as a final nail in the coffin, I even started taking notes on how much blatant product placement was stuffed into this already bloated, lifeless debacle:

PRODUCT PLACEMENTS: Budweiser, Dr. Pepper, Nike, Virgin America, Tesla Roadster, Sprint, ESPN, Coca Cola, Mercedes Benz, Capital One, Bing, Cadillac, Xbox, Del Taco, Smart Cars

RoboGal Edit: There isn't a hell of a lot more that I can add.  My frustration with this movie (bordering on rage) mirrors that of RoboBrain.  Aside from the blatantly misleading trailers, this film was overflowing with cliches: The reuniting of an estranged father and child once the mother has passed away, the generic and personality-free female love interest, the Asian mastermind behind the most badass robot... This movie has it all, and then some.

This was one of the cheesiest, cringeworthy movies I've seen in a long time.  But I think I might have been able to forgive all that (hey, I suppose these type of movies have their place in cinema, as much as I hate to admit that), had the trailers been upfront.  But no, we were suckered into watching this badass, action robot film sugary family film instead.  If you're interested in some warm, fluffy family fun... By all means, go for it.  If not: Stay the hell away, and spread the word.

It Ain't Worth It

These guys have a message, and that message is that S-E-X just plain ain't worth it.  We all knew that it could lead to such things as STD's and disease, but have you ever really thought about all that pain?  And death, don't forget about death.  You know that one guy?  That one guy who had sex?  He died.  I bet you didn't know that, but now you do.  So remember, it just ain't worth it.

Damnit, Capcom

Is it just me or has Capcom been plenty busy in destroying my love for them? I have no idea what they've been up to as of late, but following Keiji Inafune's departure, their focus appears to be centered around destroying Megaman and enraging their fans. Megaman Legends 3? Canceled. Megaman Universe? Canceled. Megaman In Marvel Vs Capcom 3? Mysteriously missing, and not even announced for their ridiculous cash grubbing 'Ultimate Marvel Vs Capcom 3' rerelease, featuring a BLOODY MEGAMAN LEGENDS STAGE. F*** me, somebody high up at the company is bitter as hell about Inafune leaving. Capcom has made so many blunders as of late, I'd like you to watch this video and think of Capcom as Cutman, screwing up opportunity after opportunity with their Western audiences.

Bike Jump Fail

So, you're at the lake with a bunch of friends.  You have a bike, and a dirt mound in front of said lake.  What do you do?  Jump that mofo, OF COURSE!  Unfortunately, it didn't quite go so swimmingly for this young girl.  Although she could try to pretend that she meant to jump off the bike, and do what sort of resembles a front handspring.  Could work.

Transformers: Dark Side Of The Moon Review

For you TL:DR guys.

Oh god, where do I even begin. Today, along with the a few friends, I had the amazing opportunity to watch Transformers 3: Dark Side Of The Moon on launch, for free. I walked in with negative expectations, my brain fully turned off and a pair of 3D glasses, ready for a film that probably wouldn't be as bad at its predecessor.

But I was so, so wrong. Ladies and gentlemen, Michael Bay has topped himself, releasing a movie somehow even worse than the movies that came before it. So much f**cking worse, as a matter of fact, that the movie experience turned into a survival event for all of us due to the intense mental agony the movie bombarded us with, in waves.

I will present my observations about the movie point by point, after the break.

Exploding Wine Box

For all of you wine snobs out there, this one is for you.  You don't want that crummy box o' wine?  Here's your solution.  Blow that mofo up!  Sure, you may leave a giant mess of a hole in the wall.  But who cares?  That spiked grape juice won't touch your lips.

The Worst Of E3

Now that we've had a week or two to let E3 settle, I have to say..My god, the press conferences were among the worst I've seen in the last few years. It just felt that companies kept hiring these spit shined actors that they thought would 'click' with gamers to present the games they were offering. Microsoft's horrific Xbox Kinect presentations were cringe inducing, with terrifyingly fake child actors and groan inducing father/son combos to present a new generation of Kinect games that about 99.8% of games could give two sh**s about.

And worst of all, there was Mr. Caffeine. Holy sh**. Ubisoft hired a guy straight out of 1996, a mid thirties guy who couldn't be farther out of touch in his mindset to presenting these games and his fail train of attempts at video game humor and relating with the audience. Press people were literally writhing in their seats as the artificially over excited Mr. Caffeine delivered his now infamous 'DIDDLY DIDDLY DIDDLY DOOOOO' before games would appear on screen. In his last presentation, he even tried to engage the audience to do his retarded diddly doo routine with him, at which point the longest silence in crowd history probably occurred. During his presentation, I recall sitting in my chair in full double facepalm mode. If Ubisoft hasn't fired this guy already, the game industry might as well be over.

Rebecca Black Has Nothing On This Guy

Unknown to most people, R&B artist PtheG dropped this opus to autotune back in 2009, truly ahead of his time. Whoever produced this puts Rebecca Black to shame, using what sounds like a broken, malfunctioning autotuner to accompany music playing backwards. Innovative stuff. Also, she's mad.

Meta-Score Meta-Games

Witcher 2 and Meta-Critic tomfoolery

For months I was waiting for The Witcher2: Assassins of Kings to come out.  I jumped on Metacritic to check the scores and reviews.  The critics were rating the game nicely, but as I don't always get along with professional critics, I was more interested in the user scores.

To my great surprise, many of them were 0's!  I soon discovered why.  The reviews bashed Witcher2 and spammed/plugged/hyped Dragon Age II.  Very Curious.

More Metacritic controversy after the jump

Win/Fail Compilation: May

As May comes to a close, and summer closes in...Its time to look at some of the biggest fails and wins from May, compiled and submitted to us by Youtube user Twistednederland. Why make 40 posts when you can edit all the stupidity and genius into two easily consumed videos? Enjoy this look back at all the best and worst moments of May. May Win compilation after the break!

Retro Snake Wrestling Fail

I think it's safe to say that if you haven't seen Animal Planet, or a National Geographic special, you're probably living under a rock.  But have you seen a super-retro, 50's animal special?  Well, maybe you have.  But just in case, take a gander.  Wresting an anaconda? A creature consisting of a few hundred pounds of muscle? Underwater?  I'll pass, thanks.

Red Letter Media Reviews Something Awful

The awesome guys over at Red Letter Media sit down to review a new 'parody' trailer of a fictional movie called Zookeeper, featuring that guy from Mall Cop. This clever review just goes to show that Hollywood sometimes greenlights some unspeakably awful movies for the lowest common denominator. Adam Sandler and his awful movie company are cranking out the type of sh** that make me believe that we are growing dumber by the day.

Parkour Fail

To be honest, I'm not a big fan of parkour.  It's a "sport" where you have everything to lose, and nothing to gain (sorry, I don't think it's badass).  There are plenty of parkour fail videos out there (for obvious reasons), and this one is definitely no exception.  Just watching it gave me a headache. 

Magneto Was A Little...Slow Back Then

This clip is from the rather obscure (For obvious reasons) Fantastic Four TV show from the 70's. I guess Magneto had suffered a few strokes, or been hit in the head a few times to allow such a retarded scene to take place. The fact that the show forgets that after being tricked into surrendering at the sight of a wooden gun to make him think he's powerless, he's led away by a bunch of cops completely decked out with metal after having it explained to him. You probably just lost a few brain cells watching such powerful stupidity unfold.