21st Century Girl

I must be dreaming, because I can't imagine living in a reality where we're now giving musical contracts to little girls in order to filter the musical stylings and messages of Rhianna and Ke$ha to a younger, pre-teen generation. Now granted, that little girl happens to be the daughter of Hollywood money-printer, Will Smith, but we must be crossing some kind of line aren't we? Clearly not, as Willow Smith has been up to this tomfoolery since 2010, where she whipped her hair back and fourth for what seemed like an eternity. With Will Smith already an established actor who hasn't starred in a major motion picture grossing under $15 million in the opening weekend his entire career, and his son a practicing karate master in China, the Smith clan obviously wasn't successful enough.

The video above opens on some bizarre voodoo-type ritual in which a gypsy woman births Willow from sand, jewelry and Michael Jackson's pelvic bone (which explains the gyrating dance moves). As it turns out, the Powder Puff Girls mantra is dreadfully outdated in the 21st century, and girls are made out of much stupider shit. The 21st century girl and all her friends look as if the kids from Hook decided to raid Salt-N-Pepa's wardrobe, and they apparently erect entire cities through the same slave labor the Uruk-hai beset upon the big troll dudes in the Lord of the Rings. I honestly haven't seen anything more embarrassing from a Hollywood family since Laurence Fishburne's daughter ended up as a porn actress, or Tom Hank's son began rapping about the rough streets of the Pacific Palisades.

Now I can pick this video apart for ages, but hey, Will Smith has every right to let his daughter become the next superstar sensation for the Fisher Price demographic. The biggest issue I run into is her age; at just 10-years old she's being inundated into pre-teen pop culture, which we all know has its history with awful, destructive behavior (also see: everything Lindsay Lohan-related for the past 5 years). At least her lyrics can be said to be proactive and supportive of individuality in our beloved youth. Although by the same margin, they can also be horrible metaphors for getting laid and gettin' yo swagger on at all the high school parties. It also has the potential to just have your daughters grow up to become complete and utter bitches (see: lyrics). Or maybe I'm just one of those "haters trying to keep her off her grind."

If you'd like to "whip your 'hurr' back and fourth," or "give Willow an inch," or have her "rock the beat," you can buy her singles, now available on iTunes.