10 Reasons We're Glad Superman Lives Was Never Made

This is Jon Peters, one of the main producers(and former hairstylist( and one of the guys with a LOT of say on a movie called 'Superman Lives.'  This movie never saw the light of day. Why was it canceled?  Why are we glad it was never made?  Lets look at the details as part 3 of Superman Lives Day.

Kevin Smith was at one point approached by Jon Peters and other WB executives to redraft a Superman script for a 1998 release.  Jon Peters made demands to Kevin Smith for the chance to write the screenplay.  The poor man never saw it coming.  Lets go through the list!

1)Superman had to wear an all-black suit, as the traditional suit was "Too Faggy."

2)Superman can't fly, because he would look like "An overgrown boyscout."

3)Superman had to fight a Giant Spider during the climax.

4)Superman had to fight Two Polar Bears in his arctic stronghold.

5)Superman should be played by Sean Penn because he has the "Eyes of a caged animal, a f***ing killer."  Yep..two things that come to mind when we think of Superman: Rape vision and killing.

6)Superman had to be without his powers, fighting crime via numerous gadgets that will make the world safe and create a profitable toy line and Burger King toy deals.  WTF

7)The main villain, Brainiac needed to have a 'marketable' talking space dog with the personality of a "gay r2-d2 with attitude."

8)The main villain, Brainiac would be played by Tim Allen *shudder*

9)Nicholas Cage would eventually be cast as Superman.  Being as far off resemblance wise to Superman than you could possibly imagine.

10)Superman would later be redesigned to look like a brain damaged Frankenstein creature.

Thanks Hollywood! We love you guys.  As a consolation, after Jon Peters moved on he got to be a producer on Wild Wild West, which bombed completely.  At least he got to recycle his mechanical spider idea!  FAIL.